Full Circle...

I tanked yet another law exam yesterday and then today I ran the last leg of the CIM relay. This was almost where I was just one year ago? It seems so long ago...when Greg and I were in Italy we decided we were ready to have a baby. We thought about when; when would be a good time to start trying and how would we plan this? We tried to plan around school as best as possible, but more importantly we had to plan around my marathon schedule. I wanted to do one last CIM. So, last year after completing CIM, Greg and I went home and started "trying." Again, "trying" just means having sex and for anyone that has a run a marathon, you know how sore you are, so you can imagine how much fun that was. Noah was not conceived right after CIM, but it wasn't too long after. And thus, we began our journey to parenthood... (So now you all know what I did after my marathon).

While I was running today, I thought about where I was just last year ... last year I was without a baby, without Noah, and I was running a full 26.2 miles! How crazy is that? Thinking back to all of the other CIM's that I have run, I remembered the relay runners zoom past me and thinking that they were imposters. I remember thinking, "how dare you look tired" or "how dare you walk, you're only doing 6 miles!" So today, I felt like I needed a sign that said "it's okay if I look tired too, even though I'm running a little less than 6 miles, I just had a baby 10 weeks ago" but I think that would be a very long sign.

I saw a woman run by me, or maybe she was in front of me, I don't know ... but she was wearing spandex running pants and her butt was jiggling around and I thought "hmmm, maybe she should rethink those pants" and then I felt like an asshole because if her butt is jiggling and she's running a full marathon, what makes me think mine looks any better? I mean, I'm only doing 5.something-miles! This again reminded me of where I was just a year ago. When I used to run, I felt strong and running 10+ miles felt like an easy stroll in the park. I felt fit and maybe not completely firm, but the extra stuff, the "pregnancy build-up" that I have gained didn't exist.

I'm not completely delusional, I know my butt didn't used to be completely firm, but I can only imagine what it's doing back there now. I mean, let's face it, I was just pregnant and while I was pregnant I was sitting a lot. I'm also in law school, that too is a lot of sitting, besides that, now that I'm not pregnant, I'm still in law school, and now I'm breastfeeding and watching a baby, EVEN MORE SITTING! Shoot, my butt is probably flat and jiggly!!! So, after that realization, I apologized to "Spandex Girl" in my mind and then I ran faster ...

I decided I definitely have to do the marathon next year...I felt guilty when I was running. People were cheering on the sidelines "You're almost there!" and "You're looking strong, keep it up" and I thought "wow, that's very helpful, thank you ... I feel good and I CAN do this." And then I ran a little bit faster. The cheering and the signs were nice confidence boosters, even if they weren't actually for me.

When I ran over the J Street bridge, just after mile 21, there was a family on the other side holding a sign that said something about "go daddy" or "we're proud of our dad." How cool is that? I bet when he gets home from work there isn't a sign that says that. Why do we only have these "signs" and cheering for marathons and sporting events? Are the other times in our lives not as important? Maybe not as challenging? I know going to work might not be as hard as running a marathon, but certainly the things that we do in our everyday lives are no less worthy or important? Maybe if I had people writing "Go Julia! You can do it!" in chalk on campus, I would do better on my exams. Or maybe if there was a poster in the front of the exam room that said "keep it up, you're almost there" I would get that feeling that you get as you turn the corner at Manzanita and Fair Oaks, when you come out of that crowd of people and feel like "I'm totally doing this! And I feel awesome" and maybe then I wouldn't walk out of each exam thinking, "hope I didn't fail that...please let me pass, all I need is my C."

Being in law school has certainly humbled me much like a marathon. It reminds me that not everything is going to be easy, if it were, everyone would do it, right? Or maybe not, because honestly, do we really need more lawyers?

So, next year, I'll try and run the full marathon. Hopefully my butt will be less "jiggly" and hopefully Noah will be there cheering me on with a sign that says "go mommy." Because it was just one year ago that Greg and I began the process of "trying" to create him and he has become part of my life marathon that makes everyday important.

Some New Noah Videos ... You don't have to watch them all

Noah might think something is funny...

Noah has a new do...

Sing it Nana!

Going to Nana's Bday

Chit chatting...

Soy cheese is not cheese...

Noah and I went to the doctor today to check on his poop and see if my diet changes/sacrifices have worked...turns out its all been worth it! Noah's poop was blood-free! While the idea of eating soy cheese for the next 9 months makes me cringe, I know its all worth it because Noah is doing better...

Noah weighs 12.06lbs and is 23.5 inches long.

Hopefully ... waiting

Tuesday night I was in Constitutional Law, at about 8:00pm someone shouted "Barrack Obama just won!" The class applauded, except for me because I feel weird about applauding things that aren't happening live in front of me, sort of like when people applaud in the movie theater, don't they know that the actors aren't actually in the screen... anyway it was an amazing moment. One that I'm sure I will never forget. History was made and more importantly I felt hopeful and excited ... maybe our country won't turn to complete shit afterall?

While I was excited and happy that the right person will be running our country, a good person, I am still completely shocked about Proposition 8! I have always felt special living in California. I felt like I was part of this open and tolerant place, a place that was teased about being liberal and I was proud. How could so many people around the country vote for hope and change and at the same time, so many people in California also vote for discrimination and bigotry?

I struggle with the idea of celebrating too much about how we have elected our first African-American President and at the same time my state has now openly discriminated against an entire group of people. California voted to give chickens and cows more rights, which I believe they deserve, but at the same time, same-sex couples watched their rights get taken away. Do people really value chickens more than people? We are the first state to openly discriminate against an entire group of people.

I think I'm still stunned ... still stunned that Prop 8 passed and that I have a right to marry and my dad still would not. What makes the love that I have with Greg so much more superior than someone else?

I was excited to a part of history on Tuesday night, I never actually believed that I would live to see an African American President in the White House. Maybe my son will get to live to be able to see same-sex couples get the same rights as everyone else, but I hope it doesn't take quite as long ...

I found this quote on the No on 8 site to be very insightful:

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.” Anne Lamott

I think I waited and watched too silently, maybe I didn't work hard enough and in fact, maybe I gave up. Because maybe I was just too presumptuous and I just assumed that everyone thought like me, that we all deserve the same rights and that there was no way that Prop 8 would pass, how could it? I'm hopeful that the dawn will come and everyone will have the same rights as everyone else.

Welcome Back Muscles, Goodbye Jiggly Bits

Yesterday was my first run back ... I met Leah at Fleet Feet and bought new shoes and then we met at her house. I was determined to do at least 3 miles. I didn't care how slow. I was so excited!

Noah and I trailed behind Leah and Evelyn the whole way, but it felt amazing! So much fun to be running again. So much fun to have Noah there to experience something that I love. I remember when I was a kid my mom used to take me along with her on her bike rides. I sat in a chair on the bike of the bike. I remember one time, I think we were going to pick up Lucas at school, and my mom was making a lasagna and I got to bring some of the extra noodles with me while I rode on the back of the bike. I remember feeling special ... I'm sure Noah won't remember being pushed around in the BOB, but hopefully this becomes something that I'm able to do for a while and then he'll look back like I did about the lasagna noodles and bike ...

Anyway, Leah and I ran around Land Park. We started out walking to the Park for about a mile and then "ran" another 3 and then walked back to her house. I was probably running slower than I did when I first started running in 2000. My body felt like it was moving so fast, but my mind new better. I saw my shadow moving along side of me and I'm pretty sure I could have stopped and walked and beat my own shadow, but I didn't really care because I was finally running!

Things were definitely jigglier than I remember and I don't remember my boobs being quite so heavy and bouncy before, but again, I was running, so it didn't matter. Things hurt and ached and I was breathing very hard. I couldn't wait for the street lights to turn red so that I could stop and wait, but it all felt amazing.

I'm not as sore as I thought I would be. The motions and the movements felt very familiar, so maybe some of muscles remember this feeling. It took me almost 5 years to get to the pace I was at before I got pregnant, I'm hoping it doesn't take that long again ...

Get out the vote ...

Hope everyone remembered to vote today!

Spaghetti and Meatballs ...

When I was a kid my mom used to make all of my Halloween costumes. She insists that she didn't make ALL of them, but she made most. I was a bunny, winnie the Pooh, a wookie, a cool cat and many other things. I remember going and picking out the patterns at the fabric store and I remember her spending time making the outfits and thinking of all of the details. The best costume that she ever made was actually for Lucas. He was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (I can't remember which one) and she made him an entire turtle shell out of paper plates. By the end of the night he lost the shell and was really just a green ninja, but his costume was still the coolest.

When I was 10 or 11 or maybe even 12 my girlfriends and I decided we were all going to be pigs. We even got cute pig masks. My mom and I went and bought pink fabric, pink tights and a little pink tail. She made me this giant pink sac that I wore with my arms and legs hanging out the sides and the bottom, I wore my hair in pigtails and then I put on my mask. When my girlfriends showed up for pictures only one of them was wearing the pig mask and even then, the rest of her dressed as a punk rocker. They were all wearing cute little jean skirts and ripped t-shirts with funky makeup ... it was as if they had crossed the puberty line into the "cool" costumes and I was still a little kid. I was all round and pink and they were cute and punk. Still, my mom and had fun making the costume and I felt special in my homemade get-up. We laugh about it a lot now and my mom says "how adorable" I looked, but I guess after a certain age you don't want to look adorable, you want to be cool ...

It is for this reason that I decided that I wanted to take a stab at making Noah's first Halloween costume. I probably won't have that many years to make him cute outfits and go to the trouble of finding just the perfect pig tail or ninja shell, right? The problem is, I'm not very crafty. In fact, even as a grown-up, Greg has made all of my costumes. One year we were Dorothy and Toto and the best ever was when we were Princess Leia (not princess Leia in the gold bikini, but the real Princess Leia, the white robe thingy Leia) and Yoda. Greg walked around on his knees all night. He tied green gardening gloves around his knees and glued fake nails on the ends so that they were toenails.
I already two costumes for Noah. I had decided that he was going to be a shark and he looked so perfect and cute in his little shark outfit. However, it's sorta' big on him and he just cries in it. We also have the pea pod costume, but I feel like everyone will have the pea pod costume, cause really there are so many things that you can put a newborn in for halloween? So I kept thinking...

I thought about the things that I can make ... I know how to make yarn poof balls! And thus, the Spaghetti and Meatball costume was born. The only problem is that what I envisioned in my head and what was actually created are two totally different things. So, while the other kids will be wearing the perfectly crafted pea pod and bumble bee outfits, Noah will be wearing yarn balls and felt held together by safety pins. Greg told me that it's a cute costume, but I think he's just saying that to make me feel better. He also said that it builds character ...If only people could see the picture that's in my head, then I think they would understand what I was going for. At least we will have the memory and its the thought that counts right?