BHR's first law school exam

My first exam is tonight at 6:00. I don't know if I'm as prepared as I should be or could be, but I also don't feel like I care as much. Maybe it's because I'm so close to being finished with my second year, or maybe it's because it's sunny outside and I'd rather be hanging out with my dog and BBQing, either way, I can't help but feel like this exam is not as important as it should be ...

I don't want to fail, but at the same time, I just want it to be over, whatever "over" means. I'm ready for May 6th, ready to find what BHR is and I'm ready for May 9th, which means that exams are officially over.

I'm worried about my recent development of "pregnancy brain" where I think of things and then 10 seconds later I have to retrace my steps to remember what it was. The new "development" is especially problematic given the fact that my exam is timed. I'm hoping I know enough, enough to pass, enough to really be finished with these classes on May 9th ...

Right now, I'm sitting, flipping through pages of my outline and listening to "that guy." That one guy that knows everything and shares everything and speaks in a tone that is so loud everyone in the Student Center can hear him. Why? I'd like to throw my pen at his head and tell him to shut his pie hole, instead I sit here with my pal and contemplate driving home and cuddling on the couch with Gary and Lou Lou.

New Favorite Thing

I discovered something new that I love while procrastinating today ... I was memorizing more rule statements and decided that I would take Gary for a walk to the corner and get a starbucks. Because it's crazy, ass-hot outside, I decided to get an iced tea, but it had to be decaf. I asked the lady if they had any decaf iced teas, and she said "the passion iced tea lemonade is delicious!" So, got one and now it's my new favorite thing.

Also, writing this blog entry was another way of proscrastinating ... oh blog entries, how you help me waste time, I love you blog.

Triathlon

Greggie did his first triathlon today! I have no concept of time when it comes to these events, but I think he did great. It was pretty warm this morning, so I think the run was fairly hard, but he looked strong when he finished and I think he was pleased with his time.

I would post pictures, except my husband hides all of the electronic equipment (i.e. digital camera and new video camera) from me ... so you'll just have to imagine him swimming, biking and the running. He wore all black and his bike is orange. Does that help with a visual?

Side-Ass-Thigh Pieces ... How I hate you so!

Yesterday I walked to meet Greg at the light rail station after work and while I was waiting for him a man asked me "is it a boy or a girl?" That's the first time a stranger has asked me anything about being pregnant, it was strange. I said "You can tell I"m pregnant? I don't just look fat?" He said "No, you look pregnant. How far along are you?" I told him that I was 18 weeks and he then said ... "That's gonna be a BIG baby!" Seriously? Am I that big? Have I let myself go that much? I mean, I know I'm round, I know I'm low to the ground, but honestly ... who says that?

No one will or would ever tell me that I look like crap ... in fact, I find that I get more compliments than ever before about how beautiful I look and how great I look. Most of the time I don't believe them. I know when I look nice and when I don't ... let's get serious here, when I haven't washed my hair in three days and I'm wearing Greg's basketball shorts, I don't look "beautiful".

The problem is, I don't quite know how I'm supposed to look or what's going on. I feel pregnant, but I also just feel fat and smooshy.

I went to the gym today and I felt like an impostor. I used to love to go to the gym, I didn't care what I looked like, I just loved working out. This time, I felt like I didn't belong or like I was one of the people that show up in January after making a new year's resolution.

I was wearing my Alaska Marathon T-shirt and I felt like it didn't belong to me. No one would believe that someone that looked like me ran a marathon. I was on the elliptical machine, not the treadmill and as I moved up and down I felt my side-ass-thigh pieces follow. I'd go up and then it would take the pieces a little longer to catch up ...up and down and up and down ...

I remember one time I was working out and there was a woman who was workng out with a trainer next to me and she said to her trainer "I want my arms to look like that." Now, I'm not completely dillusional, I don't think my arms look like anything amazing, but they were nice and relatively defined. The best compliment ever!

Today I was lifting weights next to a woman with her trainer and I felt invisible. Not that I needed her to notice my squishy upper body or my 5 pound free weights, but it was in my own mind ... I was just another someone trying to start from scratch.

As much as I love BHR is how much I hate my side-ass-thigh pieces. I was thinking too ... you know some pregnant women look like they might just fall forward? I dont' think that's the case with me, I think my giant ass is going to balance it all out. For every inch forward my new belly grows, my ass goes the opposite direction.

Now I feel bad for complaining about my body ... perhaps I will think about making another tasty sandwich while I study equitable servitudes.

2 1/2 More Hours

I've been thinking about sandwiches a lot today ... it's only 9:20 in the morning and I would really like a sandwich. I have it all planned out, and I bought the turkey and cheese and fresh, fluffy bread yesterday. I'm going to heat the turkey in the microwave so that I don't get listeria, but really I love sandwiches. I also love going to the grocery store, also known as the food store. I love bringing home fresh groceries and having exactly what I want to eat in the house.

When I was younger my mom and I would go to the food store and I would bring my own yellow and orange fisher price basket and push it along next to my mom. She had to be very patient with me because I'm sure I wanted everything! I felt very special going grocery shopping with my mom and helping. I felt like I was her. Then we would get in the car and would fall asleep.

I'm going to get BHR one of those yellow and orange grocery carts. I know everyone says they have little carts at the grocery store for little kids, but BHR needs the yellow and orange one like I had, I don't have a good reason as to why, but I don't need one either.

I can't wait to make my sandwich! Only 2 1/2 more hours to go! Only 2 1/2 more hours of easements and eminent domain to go!

155

BHR's heartbeat is at 155. Now, I don't know what that means, but the Doctor said it's good. BHR sounded less like a helicopter and more like someone was swinging something over their head (I'm picturing something like Robin Hood, but I could be totally off), but you know what I mean? Like when someone is getting read to fling something they spin it over their head several times and then release. Anyway, that's what BHR's heart sounded like.

Back to studying convenants ...

Theme Song

Some of you may or may not know this ... I've had the same song stuck in my head for almost 7 years. "Cel-e-brate good times, come on! Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo ... yahoo!" It's the most annoying and ridiculous song ever, but I have come to think of it as my theme song and it's pretty much always filling the void in my empty head. Occassionally, other songs creep in and take that void, but eventually "cel-e-brate" will make it's way back. I suppose there are worse things or worse songs and maybe this song is my subconscious trying to tell me something ... when I say it could be worse, it really could be. I could have that stupid Meatloaf-Go-Phone commercial song stuck in my head ("Let me sleep on it ...") Oy vey, that song is annoying! I can't imagine my mom, Lucas and I ever singing or doing anything like that commercial, however our names aren't meatloaf and family, so that takes care of that.

Anyway, during exams, it's hard to celebrate much of anything, so I'll just let the song keep going until May 9th, when this whole nightmare is over.