Decapitated body parts and pretty colors

I've been feeling a bit uninspired with my entries as of late, perhaps it's because I haven't been feeling all that well or maybe not that much is going on. This got me thinking about things that have or do inspire me ...

Very few things move me to tears or make me cry. Sometimes I'm proud of that fact and sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I think it makes me strong and sometimes I feel like not crying at stuff makes me unemotional and a bit aloof, but I know that things move me and make me feel ...

One of the most moving things is watching people finish a marathon. Crossing a finish line on my own is amazing in and of itself, but watching the groups of people that come across the line towards the end, with their friends that have gone out to get them ... seeing them walk or run across the line all hand-in-hand makes me misty. Even just thinking about it and talking, or typing about it, makes me feel a little lump in my throat. I can't explain exactly what it is about that that makes me emotional, but its inspiring and touching.

I've read or heard that being pregnant makes you more emotional ... I think I've noticed it a bit. I cry when I hear the song from Dumbo, "Baby Mine". I don't know if it's just the song or the fact that Dumbo is one of the saddest movies of all time. Put the two together and I'm a bit of a sobbing mess ... when he sticks his little trunk through the bars to see his mommy, oy vey! Is there anything sadder!?!?! (If you want to see what I'm talking about click here or here.) Seriously, Walt Disney made some sad movies! Bambi?! Old Yeller!?

Maybe I'm more sentimental because the maternal instinct stuff is kicking in? That happens right? My mom cries at stuff a lot. Not because she's sad, but because she's happy, I think. We tease her a lot about it. She rates movies based on the number of cries that she gets to have. Maybe it's because she's a mom, or maybe it's because she's more confident than I am and more in-touch with her emotions that I am ... I often wonder where I get some of my traits that aren't like her. Does that make sense? I don't cry like my mom, so does that mean that part of me takes after my dad? Did he not cry or was he not emotional?

I often wonder what I got from my dad and what I get from my mom. When I was around 6 years old, I think, my dad took me to a gallery in Folsom called "the Candy Store." The art dealer was an old lady named Adeliza. I remember she and my dad had what I thought was a special relationship, she gave us special treatment and we got to look at the art work that was in the big drawers. She opened one of the drawers and my dad looked at me and said "pick one."

I chose a very colorful pastel drawing by Luiz Cruz-Azaceta. It's always been one of my favorites. The picture has dismembered body parts all over it, but they were colorful and even had rainbows on the face of the decapitated head. I suppose looking back it was quite strange for such a young girl to choose such a gross picture, but I liked it because of the colors.

My dad had it framed and he hung it in each of my bedrooms in each house that he lived in. Later he said the artist became quite successful and he told me that I had "an eye." That always made me feel special and connected to what my dad did and who he was.

Both of my parents are creative. I remember feeling really cool when they were the art docents at school, I felt different, but special. Like my family was part of a special club. I love telling people that my mom is a photographer (click here) and my dad owned an art gallery. I love that both of my parents were able to make a life doing things that they love.

My brother has inherited their creativity (click here). He's always been creative! I unfortunately did not get the creative gene, or at least not in the form of something that can be hung on the wall, but my family inspires me ... their creativity and their ability to look at the world through a more colorful lens has always made me feel special. I'm not sure how law school fits into all of this, its not creative ...

Maybe I'm like Ed in that aspect. He sees things and can vision them in a strategic way. He can create a vision he has ideas ... I like to think that I'm made up of the all of the cool things that make up my family. Not that I'm 100% cool or that I'm 100% my family, but I had to come from somewhere right?

I hope BHR inherits their creativity. I don't think it will be hard because Greg is also creative, or as he likes to refer to himself "a creative" which I think is wrong on many different levels, most of which involve the proper use of the English language. I hope BHR gets their ability to create beautiful things and my "eye" to see something different or unique or special ... something that looks gruesome to most people, but to us is just pretty colors.