Spaghetti and Meatballs ...

When I was a kid my mom used to make all of my Halloween costumes. She insists that she didn't make ALL of them, but she made most. I was a bunny, winnie the Pooh, a wookie, a cool cat and many other things. I remember going and picking out the patterns at the fabric store and I remember her spending time making the outfits and thinking of all of the details. The best costume that she ever made was actually for Lucas. He was a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (I can't remember which one) and she made him an entire turtle shell out of paper plates. By the end of the night he lost the shell and was really just a green ninja, but his costume was still the coolest.

When I was 10 or 11 or maybe even 12 my girlfriends and I decided we were all going to be pigs. We even got cute pig masks. My mom and I went and bought pink fabric, pink tights and a little pink tail. She made me this giant pink sac that I wore with my arms and legs hanging out the sides and the bottom, I wore my hair in pigtails and then I put on my mask. When my girlfriends showed up for pictures only one of them was wearing the pig mask and even then, the rest of her dressed as a punk rocker. They were all wearing cute little jean skirts and ripped t-shirts with funky makeup ... it was as if they had crossed the puberty line into the "cool" costumes and I was still a little kid. I was all round and pink and they were cute and punk. Still, my mom and had fun making the costume and I felt special in my homemade get-up. We laugh about it a lot now and my mom says "how adorable" I looked, but I guess after a certain age you don't want to look adorable, you want to be cool ...

It is for this reason that I decided that I wanted to take a stab at making Noah's first Halloween costume. I probably won't have that many years to make him cute outfits and go to the trouble of finding just the perfect pig tail or ninja shell, right? The problem is, I'm not very crafty. In fact, even as a grown-up, Greg has made all of my costumes. One year we were Dorothy and Toto and the best ever was when we were Princess Leia (not princess Leia in the gold bikini, but the real Princess Leia, the white robe thingy Leia) and Yoda. Greg walked around on his knees all night. He tied green gardening gloves around his knees and glued fake nails on the ends so that they were toenails.
I already two costumes for Noah. I had decided that he was going to be a shark and he looked so perfect and cute in his little shark outfit. However, it's sorta' big on him and he just cries in it. We also have the pea pod costume, but I feel like everyone will have the pea pod costume, cause really there are so many things that you can put a newborn in for halloween? So I kept thinking...

I thought about the things that I can make ... I know how to make yarn poof balls! And thus, the Spaghetti and Meatball costume was born. The only problem is that what I envisioned in my head and what was actually created are two totally different things. So, while the other kids will be wearing the perfectly crafted pea pod and bumble bee outfits, Noah will be wearing yarn balls and felt held together by safety pins. Greg told me that it's a cute costume, but I think he's just saying that to make me feel better. He also said that it builds character ...If only people could see the picture that's in my head, then I think they would understand what I was going for. At least we will have the memory and its the thought that counts right?

Good Job Nana!

So, we took Noah to the Doctor today ... I had a long list of concerns; His George Costanza head, cradle cap, colic, rash. My mom was watching Noah while I went to my first class and then she was going ot bring him to the doctor's office to meet me in between Family Law and Evidence. I was sure the doctor would just laugh at me and I'd be on my way. Turns out, while my mom was watching Noah he had a very strange poop, so my mom put the diaper in a baggie and brought it along.

Noah's George Costanza head is normal and will grow back, his cradle cap is normal and will clear up, and he doesn't really have a rash. She did determine that he is a bit colicky and that there are things I can do to help make it easier for us ... among them are giving up chocolate, caffeine, brocoli, apple juice, onions, and spicy foods. All of which are among some of my favorite things. If it makes him feel better, it'll be worth it, right?

After we went through my list of concerns, she then tested the poop ... turns out there were microscopic traces of blood in his poop. So, Nana (or my mom) saved the day! Part of Noah's poop and gassiness could be caused from dairy ... that means, on top of all of the other things that I'm giving up for the colic I also have to get rid of dairy. I'm not a huge milk drinker, but I defintely enjoy my cheese!

No chocolate, no brocoli, no apple juice, no onions, no spicy foods and now no dairy. They will test his poop again in about 2 weeks and if it's not better I think they'll throw something else out there ... she did say I am allowed to eat steak, which would be good news if I ate red meat.

I don't think any of this stuff is bothering him too much though because he's gained another 2 lbs since his last appointment and now weighs 10 lbs and 13 ounces. The way I look at it, if it makes his life better, it will make my life better. I can give up chocolate and dairy for the next 9 months or a year. I didn't think I'd be able to go without caffeine for 9 months and I survived, so I should be okay ...

On a more positive note, I get to start running in 11 days!

George Costanza

This mommy stuff is hard work ... not that I didn't expect it to be difficult, but I just didn't know what to expect. I new it would be a challenge and I new it would be rewarding, but I just don't think it's something that you can prepare for or that anyone can fully express in words, you just have to experience it for yourself, and I am ...

Noah is a lot of fun. I love watching him smile (even if it's mostly when he's pooping or foofing...I can believe he's smiling at me)...yesterday I bounced him around the house singing all of the camp songs that I could remember, and when I ran out of those, I started singing him all of the hebrew songs that I know. He makes everything else seem less important and that's okay with me because we all know how I feel about law school ...

I feel accomplished when I change a diaper and when I get out of the house at least once during the day. This is a big change from before when I was able to go running at 5:00am, then get coffee, go to work, study or go to school, and keep up on all of my popculture and television shows. I don't miss that the way I thought I would. Don't get me wrong, I miss running, I miss being able to run down the street to target and grab a few things, but those things don't seem as important to me.

I definitely have my good days and my bad days ... last week I felt like the worst mommy in world because at mommy group all of the other mommies were playing with their babies. They had rattles and bright colored squishy things and I had a diaper cloth. What's Noah supposed to do with a diaper cloth other than spit up on it? That's not fun, or at least from what I remember from when I was his age I don't think it was fun? I know he's only a month old, but he should have bright colored squishy things to look at and at least sit next to. So, when we got home, I shoved a bunch of things in the diaper bag and I haven't taken them out once.

Noah has also stared losing his hair ... it's in the oddest pattern though. He has only lost the top portion of his hair. Greg determined that he looks a bit like George Costanza. I of course have become the type of mother that freaks out about everything! I spent the afternoon on the phone with the nurse ... I called them 3 times in one day! "His hair has fallen out in a horse-shoe-old-man pattern, is that normal?" and "He has bumps on his head, is that normal?" also "He poops while he's eating and he grunts a lot while he's trying to poop ... normal?" All of which the nurse informed me was normal, but if I wanted to make an appointment I should call back during office hours. Noah has an appointment today at 4:45. Yes, I am that mom. The one that calls for anything and everything and I think I'm okay with that, because the last time I had a baby .. oh wait, I've never had a baby. So I've decided to give myself a break. Calling the doctor for anythign and everything is okay.

Also, I've become the online mommy looky-loo. This is where I go online and search for anythign and everything I can find about different baby ailments, which is so so bad! WebMD is evil but if they had a category for "George Costanza-like hair loss" I might not have to go to the doctor today and look like an idiot. Oh well, I suppose its better to be overly cautious right? I'm hoping I grow out of this phase and that everything becomes more routine, but until then I guess I can nurse Noah on one side and do internet searches on the other, right?

Our First Trip Out Of Town...

Just got back from our first trip away with Noah. Had a wonderful time, but I'm exhausted! Noah did very well considering we were dragging him all over San Francisco. My mom and Ed were very helpful and very patient with all of the new parent issues and traffic problems ... maybe we were a bit too ambitious when we tried to take a 3 week old to dinner, but other than that, I think Greg and I handled the experience quite well...

The weekend mostly consisted of eating ... Noah would eat and then we would eat and then Noah would eat again and the pattern continued ... We went to Barneys Burgers on Steiner in the Marina, then Pasta Pomodoro on Union. The next morning we went to the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (one of two in Northern California) and then to Saul's in Berkeley on the way out of town.

The race went fairly well ... I felt like an impostor jumping in at the bottom of the hill before mile 9. I knew I could have done more and I wanted to, but I guess this experience only gives me more motivation to keep training for next year's race, right? I missed seeing and running with most of my friends, but Greg and I had fun walking the last 4 with Leah who did the full 13.1 miles after having Evelyn only 3 months ago!

Oh lady friends, how you wobble to and fro ...

Last night I cleaned the bathtub for the first time since I got pregnant (it was cleaned during the pregnancy, just not by me. Greg didn't like me inhaling all the chemicals and then I couldn't bend over because of my oversized belly) I felt liberated! I could bend over and scrub all of the nooks and crannies. I was not hindered by a giant protruding tummy.

It's amazing how small I feel and how much further I still have ... I stopped looking at the scale when they would weigh me at the doctor's office. it just got too depressing. I knew my clothes didn't fit, that I felt puffy and round, that my thighs that were once strong were now jiggly and floppy, who needs a scale to tell them that? I didn't really know where I was coming from as far as the whole weight issue was concerned after Noah was born, so I felt like a new person, like an "after" picture for a weight-loss company.

At my two week appointment I had to weigh-in again. The doctor informed me that I had lost about 20-25 lbs. It's amazing that after such a short amount of time I could lose so much weight. I still have a lot to go, but in my mind I feel like a squishier "old me"... The squishiness is what I'm going to use to motivate me to get back to my former self.

I'm nervous to start running again. Nervous and excited. I'm anxious to see how much strenght and endurance I have actually lost and how quickly it will return. I wonder what new wobbly bits I have created during my 9 month hiatus...another part of me that is causing me some concern are my new lady friends that have taken up shop on my chest, also known as "meal time" to Noah. My boobs are huge! (If I'm being honest, it's really just my left breast that is huge, my right breast is just extra large). I'm concerned about how these ladies are going to handle the running. How will I strap them down? It is almost like walking around with a refrigerator on my chest, that's how big they feel ... I guess I should be okay, at least I lost the extra large belly that went along with the extra large breasts right? Or, maybe the extra large breasts are just so large they make my tummy seem small? Either way I'm excited to get back to running and nervous to see how the ladies are going to handle the impact. Maybe it's good that I haven't been cleared for running yet? This way I'll have more time to adjust to my new "lady friends"...

Today we are going to SF for the Nike Women's Marathon (no I am not running a marathon 3 weeks after giving birth ... I wish!). I'm so excited. My mom and Ed are coming with us and they will watch Noah while Greg and I walk about 4 miles of the race with Leah. I have never jumped into a race in the middle and I'm feeling quite conflicted about it, but I figure giving birth is sorta' like doing a race. It takes a lot out of your body and is physically challenging ... I'm really sore afterwards, so doesn't that give me a little leeway here? If the doctors were to clear me to run, I'm pretty sure I would give it a try, but alas, I have 3 more weeks to go.

I've done this race every year for the last 4 years, since its inception, I can't not go. It's MY weekend, my happy time ... its my favorite race in my favorite city. Greg and I go every year. We start at the expo where I buy way too much Nike gear and then we head over to Fillmore street where I get a NonFat Vanilla Latte from Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, the tastiest coffee shop in the world. We do more shopping and then we hit another favorite restaurant, either Luna Cafe or the Citrus Club or Barney's Hamburgers, followed by more shopping and more eating. Basically, it's the perfect weekend, a combination of running, shopping and eating at all of my favorite locations.

I can't wait to share the experience with Noah. The race is really empowering and honors female athletes, maybe that's one of the reasons I love it so much (or its the serious shopping that I'm do while I'm in the city ... I think it's a toss up). I'm sure he won't remember this, but it's something I hope to make a tradition with him. I want him to grow up knowing and witnessing what women can accomplish, what HIS mom can accomplish.

Marathoning has always seemed unique to me, not just because so few people can say they have run a marathon, but because it's something athletic and it's a sport that doesn't focus on winning. Its more about accomplishing a goal; challenging yourself and pushing yourself to do something that you might not think is possible, but in the end, when you cross the finish line it doesn't matter that you came in 19,999 out of 20,000, it's more about what you have just achieved. So, Noah will grow up witnessing what it's like to set goals AN what its like to achieve them, and then we'll get to go shopping.

Damn you dirty flannels!

When I was younger I used to sleep with my mom, and i remember sometimes waking up and my mom would be checking my pulse and trying to hear if I was still breathing. I think I thought she was crazy, but maybe now I understand a bit more ...

Noah sleeps next to the bed in a little bassinet. He wakes up about 2-3 hours to eat and afterwards I'm up for an extra 45 minutes listening to his noises, checking to make sure he's okay and still breathing. I find myself checking his "symptoms" online while in bed and then asking Greg if we should call the doctor or check his temperature after every sound. I know looking at webMd is bad and probably only serves to make me more paranoid, but I can't help it, I've never done this before.

My life for the past 2 1/2 almost 3 weeks has consisted of feedings every 2-2 1/2 hours, followed by a poopy or a wet diaper and then back to sleep. I've been living my life in 2 hour increments and while it's good for me because I like structure, I find that I'm not really able to get much accomplished...nothing else seems that important right now.

I start school tomorrow. I haven't really touched my school work since Noah was born and that doesn't bother me. I'm fairly certain that this semester is going to be a giant waste of time and sitting through class is going to be an even bigger time suck than normal, but there's nothing I can do about that, because honestly, it just doesn't seem important to me these days ... it's not that all I want to do is sit and breastfeed my baby, but reading cases just doesn't compare to learning everythign there is to learn about Noah.

Greg went back to work last Thursday. Noah and I had two successful days alone together ... we even went to a mommy and me group. Noah was the youngest baby there and the other mom's acted somewhat surprised that we were there...I guess it's strange to be out and about this soon after having a baby or maybe it's the C-section? I don't know, I thought that was what you were supposed to do.

I'm not generally a person that likes those sort of "group" things, but I thought it would be helpful for me to be around other moms. Especially because I've never done this or anything like this, and by "this" I mean "being a mom." It's weird to think of myself as a mom, because in so many ways I still feel like a child pretending to do grown-up things.

I own a home and pay bills, but I still call my mom when I'm sick and I still sleep with a stuffed animal named Leonardo DaMonkey that I got when I was very young (I want to say I was either3 or 6, but I really can't remember and Lucas says I make up dates and ages). Leondardo was named after Leonardo DaVinci when I was going through my DaVinci phase.

I wonder what phases Noah will go through? I had an unfortunate black phase and an even more unfortunate "grunge" phase. (Damn you Seattle grunge rock scene! Damn you and your dirty flannels! Why did you have to be "in" when I was in high school? As if puberty and high school aren't difficult enough... ) Maybe Noah will only go through a super smart phase and get-good-grades phase?

I'm not sure what to expect or what phases he'll go through ... I only know that the last 2 1/2 weeks have felt like an eternity. Not in a bad way. I feel like I've been on vacation. That feeling where you wish you could stay in your little bubble forever. The type of vacation where you leave all of your paperwork and homework and bills behind ... mostly it's the type of vacation where law school becomes unimportant and the fear that you used to have of being called on in class and being unprepared and looking stupid in front of your professor and your classmates doesn't' scare you anymore because what you have experienced and what waits for you outside of the lecture hall is way more important.

Hair Dryers are more useful than I thought ...

The last few weeks or even months of pregnancy, everyone kept saying "catch up on your sleep now." That's good in theory, but really, there is no amount of sleep that I could have banked that would have helped prepare me for this. I feel like that's saying "just don't eat for 3 weeks so that you can have an entire cake next month." It doesn't work like that or at least it shouldn't.

One thing I felt I was prepared for was that I wasn't going to be sleeping, and I'm fine with that. In fact, it hasn't been that horrible. Noah is a very good baby. He sleeps a lot during the day and when people are around and then everyone leaves and he's then up all night long ... in fact, Greg is up right now trying to use the hair dryer to coax him into getting some zzz's (see "Happiest Baby on the Block").

I know it's normal and that babies are up a lot. I've been reading articles about sleeping babies and how you can help ease them into a sleep routine ... I haven't really found any very good advice. In fact, one said "to get baby used to sleeping at night, get them on a regular sleep schedule." Seriously? Who's the genius that paid you to come up with that? I could have told you that with or without a baby. Maybe if I tell him that sleeping through the night will help him have a more restful day, maybe that would work? I'm thinking probably not.

Again, I don't mind being up, I was expecting to lose all of my sleep once the baby arrived, but it's still difficult. I hate hearing him cry or seeing unhappy. Not because it's annoying, but because I don't want him to be sad or unhappy and I want to be able to always make it better. Isn't that what mom's do, make it better?

I think we're on the right track to figuring this out and I know it will take time, but I'm ready to make him happy now and possibly to get a sleep in between.

Oh nipples...how you ache.

I've been breastfeeding since the first morning in the hospital. In the beginning it was just the colostrum, but my milk came in a few days ago. It was nothing I didn't expect. My boobs got big and really hard and basically even more unattractive than they already were, but here's what I didn't expect ...

I didn't expect my nipples to remain so sore. Sure, I guess it makes sense, someone is sucking on them at a rapid rate all day long, but still, they hurt! Everything I read says "it's not supposed to hurt" and "if it does hurt, you probably have a bad latch and you should relatch and start again." Well, that sounds nice in theory, but unlatching Noah is quite difficult. He's a hungry little dude!

I truly believe in the benefits of breastfeeding. I think it's what's best for the baby, it's cheaper than formula, it allows you to bond with the baby in a different way and on top of it, you're supposed to burn more calories. What's better than that right?

For some reason I think I pictured it differently. I think I was more worried about my milk coming in than I was about the proper "latch." I think I thought once my milk came in everything would be a piece of cake. I imagined my baby sucking each breast dry and then they'd shrink back down to normal size, I'd burn 800gazillion calories and then I'd be good as new.

There's a girl in my class at school. She had a baby boy or first semester of classes right before our midterms. She is tall and thin and I remember seeing her in class and she was all belly. One week she had a little basketball belly and then two weeks later she showed for midterms and she looked completely deflated, the basketball was gone.

I talked to her after I became pregnant ... I asked her how she got back to her original "shape" and she said "breastfeeding" it's amazing! So, I think I pictured her whenever I pictured breastfeeding ... should it matter that she's probably a foot taller than me and that I could probably fit my entire thigh in the space between hers? (Apparently thighs aren't supposed to rub together).

Another example of this breastfeeding myth is Kerri Russel. I remember reading some article about how she got her pre-baby body back and she made some "breastfeeding is amazing" comment. They showed a picture of her in NYC standing by a cab. I imagined the paparrazi asking her the question "how'd you do it Kerri?" and her turning and yelling back "Breastfeeding! It's fantastic" and then getting into a cab like it was an ad for a new deodorant or something ...

So, Noah is only one week old and I'm already impatient ... not that I thought I would be back to prebaby after one week, I'm not crazy, but I didn't think it would be this hard. Something that "amazing" and so "wonderful" why does it make my nipples so unhappy? I don't mind waking up and feeding him every 2 - 3 hours, sometimes every 1 hour, in fact, I'm more than happy to spend time with the little guy, but I just want to do it right. I want to do it well and I want my nipples to stop tingling in the cold, middle of the night air.

I'm meeting with the lactation consultant this afternoon. I'm hoping she doesn't just tell me "it's not supposed to hurt, let's work on latching" because frankly, maybe it's not supposed to hurt, but it does. It's not something that comes naturally, nor do I think it should. We shouldn't just be used to walking around with something attached to our boob, it's cumbersome. (If people were attached to our nipples it would make buying shirts and driving very difficult, don't you think?)

It's an odd sensation and not one that I can explain easily, but I'm ready for the little dude to suck them back down to size, because these things are a bit unruly.