Oh nipples...how you ache.

I've been breastfeeding since the first morning in the hospital. In the beginning it was just the colostrum, but my milk came in a few days ago. It was nothing I didn't expect. My boobs got big and really hard and basically even more unattractive than they already were, but here's what I didn't expect ...

I didn't expect my nipples to remain so sore. Sure, I guess it makes sense, someone is sucking on them at a rapid rate all day long, but still, they hurt! Everything I read says "it's not supposed to hurt" and "if it does hurt, you probably have a bad latch and you should relatch and start again." Well, that sounds nice in theory, but unlatching Noah is quite difficult. He's a hungry little dude!

I truly believe in the benefits of breastfeeding. I think it's what's best for the baby, it's cheaper than formula, it allows you to bond with the baby in a different way and on top of it, you're supposed to burn more calories. What's better than that right?

For some reason I think I pictured it differently. I think I was more worried about my milk coming in than I was about the proper "latch." I think I thought once my milk came in everything would be a piece of cake. I imagined my baby sucking each breast dry and then they'd shrink back down to normal size, I'd burn 800gazillion calories and then I'd be good as new.

There's a girl in my class at school. She had a baby boy or first semester of classes right before our midterms. She is tall and thin and I remember seeing her in class and she was all belly. One week she had a little basketball belly and then two weeks later she showed for midterms and she looked completely deflated, the basketball was gone.

I talked to her after I became pregnant ... I asked her how she got back to her original "shape" and she said "breastfeeding" it's amazing! So, I think I pictured her whenever I pictured breastfeeding ... should it matter that she's probably a foot taller than me and that I could probably fit my entire thigh in the space between hers? (Apparently thighs aren't supposed to rub together).

Another example of this breastfeeding myth is Kerri Russel. I remember reading some article about how she got her pre-baby body back and she made some "breastfeeding is amazing" comment. They showed a picture of her in NYC standing by a cab. I imagined the paparrazi asking her the question "how'd you do it Kerri?" and her turning and yelling back "Breastfeeding! It's fantastic" and then getting into a cab like it was an ad for a new deodorant or something ...

So, Noah is only one week old and I'm already impatient ... not that I thought I would be back to prebaby after one week, I'm not crazy, but I didn't think it would be this hard. Something that "amazing" and so "wonderful" why does it make my nipples so unhappy? I don't mind waking up and feeding him every 2 - 3 hours, sometimes every 1 hour, in fact, I'm more than happy to spend time with the little guy, but I just want to do it right. I want to do it well and I want my nipples to stop tingling in the cold, middle of the night air.

I'm meeting with the lactation consultant this afternoon. I'm hoping she doesn't just tell me "it's not supposed to hurt, let's work on latching" because frankly, maybe it's not supposed to hurt, but it does. It's not something that comes naturally, nor do I think it should. We shouldn't just be used to walking around with something attached to our boob, it's cumbersome. (If people were attached to our nipples it would make buying shirts and driving very difficult, don't you think?)

It's an odd sensation and not one that I can explain easily, but I'm ready for the little dude to suck them back down to size, because these things are a bit unruly.