This is long, but I swear I'm not flipping you off,

Friday night I went to the Cheesecake Factory with my mom, Ed, Lucas and Lara. We each had a turkey burger and then went home. I got home around 9:30m since it was dark outside I didn't want Louis to escape, I opened the front door and tried to get in without letting him escape. So I snuck in really and quickly slammed the front door. Louis did not escape ...My finger was not so lucky.

I slammed my middle, right-hand finger in the front door. After the initial impact, my first instinct was to pull my finger up towards my face and grab it with my other hand. With that, blood went flying across my face and all across the walls ... I ran to the bathroom to rinse it off and saw the blood on m face and began to panic. Did I mention the blood?

I got a towel to try and stop the bleeding, but it just kept coming! I became even more scared and decided I needed Greggie to come home ... I didn't want to let go of my finger so I dialed the phone number really quickly and then put the phone on my shoulder to hold it in place and waited for Greg to answer. Unfortunately, Greg was at a bar with a friend and it was loud and he couldn't really understand me ... this is what he said I sounded like, but I think he's wrong ... http://www.killerclips.com/greeting.php?mqg=25205.

I remember saying "The baby is okay, but I slammed my finger in the door and you need to come home." He apparently doesn't remember it the same way.

When he got home I was lying on the floor holding my finger ... he saw the blood all over the house and couldn't really understand what I was saying. Once I calmed down a bit he and Ryan took me to the ER.

The ER is a disgusting place. Everyone looks sick and miserable and you don't want to touch anything. When we first arrived the woman at the check-in station said it wasn't going to be very long ... she was very wrong!

After about 1 -2 hours of waiting I started cramping. Because I'm pregnant that means that you have to go labor and delivery. I was calm at this point, in fact I had calmed down a great deal and in my mind I knew everything was fine ... however, as we walked the long halls, following the signs to "maternity" I started becoming increasingly more nervous. The halls were lined with pictures of babies and healthy families and I started getting very scared. That was when I wanted my mom. What if something bad was happening? What if I had to delivery BHR, he's only a cauliflower?

I hope BHR needs me as much as I need my mom. Not that Greg wasn't helpful or supportive, because I couldn't have done it without him there either, but there's definitely something different about having my mom there. Having both of them in the room with me helped me feel better, or made me feel like I would be okay.

They put us in a room to monitor the baby and make sure I wasn't having contractions. Theyu strapped some belts across my belly and Greg and I listened to BHR's little heart-beat. I start feeling a little more calm and then I heard "Ayeyaiyai" (not sure how to spell that out) ... there was a woman behind the curtain who was actually in labor and she was in pain! It didn't matter that she didn't speak english, all I heard was pain!

I kept saying to Greg "I'm not ready for this, do you hear that lady?" I was so NOT going into labor! I had to be okay ... My finger was still oozing and my stomach was still cramping. Everytime the woman next to me let out a "yelp" I told myself I was okay.

Eventually they let me leave labor and delivery. I was okay and so was BHR, but my finger was still oozing. They plopped me in a wheel chair and dropped me off back in the ER. I had hoped that the site of a pregnant woman in a wheel chair would get me into see the doctor sooner, but unfortunately that was not the case.

My mom raided the vending machines and Greg kept giving me water from my hospital sippy straw and we waited ...

Eventually, probably around 2:30 or 3:00am we got into see the Doctor. He told me that they were going to have to take the nail off my finger, it was already pretty destroyed, and then clean up the nail bed and the sew the nail back on. I had to have x-rays and he would be back to take care of everything else ... with that I started feeling really nauseous, I got up to run to the bathroom. I knocked on the door, opened the door, saw the toilet and barfed all over the bathroom! I guess that explains the cramps.

My mom then came in and tried to hold my hair back for me ... I couldn't stop throwing up and there was turkey burger everywhere! I'm not entirely sure what was so funny, but my mom couldn't stop laughing. I begged her to make the barfing stop, but that only fueled her laughter. I couldn't bend over very well because of the baby, so I just sort of hung over the toilet until the barfing stopped. I had puke everywhere ... it was like I sprayed down the bathroom with a vomit hose. It was disgusting,

My bed was right across from the bathroom and everytime someone walked over to use it I would see them open the door and then close it quite quickly. I hung my head in shame and muttered "sorry."

The Doctor eventually came back and I had to have two shots of numbing medicine in my finger and 10 or 11 stitches on my nail bed and 3 more to hold the nail in place. The numbing medicine began to fade towards the end and I thought I was going to pass out from the pain. Greg held my hand the entire time and didn't get sick once. The doctor's kept offering him a chair, in fact they encouraged him to sit down in case he got squeemish and fainted, but he didn't need it. Maybe he was preparing for September when everything gets a bit more real and bit more gross?

They finished sewing me up and gave me some pain meds and a prescription. The three of us headed out of the ER as if we had just been in battle ... I was wearing two hospital gounds, beige socks, a big white bandage and barf. We stopped by Walgreens at 4:00am to pick up the pain meds and my mom dropped us off at the scene of the crime, still splattered with blood. I'm pretty sure I could not have made it through this without Greg or my mom. It was a practice round, on a much smaller scale, for what it's going to be like in September. I'm hoping I'll be much more prepared by then.

What makes it all worse is that I have a final exam this evening. As if law school wasn't bad enough, right? It consists of 50 multiple choice questions all of which I have to bubble in on a scantron. Not sure how that's going to happen since I can barely do anything with my right hand, but I'm sure I'll make it work. I'm not asking for miracles, this is law school and McGeorge for cryin' out loud, I just want to pass.

So, if you see me out and about and it looks like I'm flipping you off, I'm not, it's just a giant band- aid reminding me that whenever things seem challenging, there's always something worse that can happen.

What's BHR going to look like?

I've been wondering about what BHR might look like...so I dug up some pictures of Greg and I.

Cauliflower

BHR is almost 2 pounds this week, like a head of cauliflower, and is about 14 1/2 inches long with his legs extended.

I prefer brocoli when given the choice, but that's to eat, not to grow.

Bangs were a bad idea ... should have gone to Il Fornaio

I'm feeling uninspired with my writing these days ... maybe it's the weather and the smoke is clouding my brain? Maybe it's the law school exam that I have hanging over my head? Maybe it's the fact that I should have never cut bangs and now I have to live with this silly decision for the next 4-6 months until they grow out to a manageable length? Maybe it's the dissappointing lunch experience that I had today? Who knows ...

Today was supposed to be a happy day. Pluot day! I marched over to the farmer's market, ready for my pluots and they weren't right. In fact, something was very off. They were green, like smushy green apples. I found some others and I hope they're okay, but maybe they're feeling uninspired as well.

I went to my cherry stand and there's only one more week of cherries left! I wasn't as dissappointed as I thought I'd be. The cherries had run their course, but it feels so soon. Pluots were supposed to fill the void, but not this week.

My dissappointing lunch should have been the sign. The sign that I need to be more patient and make sure I get what I really want. Instead of settling for stinky park cafe, I should have gone to my new favorite place ... Il Fornaio sandwich stand place!

Oh Il Fornaio, how I love your tasty bread with your delicious chicken. How you make me feel happy and pleased with all of my selections. Oh how I love your tasty lemonade and zesty salad dressing. I could eat you everyday ...

Labor and delivery

Monday morning I realized I hadn't felt BHR kick in quite a while ... I thought about it and realized I hadn't felt his morning movements. The feeling that he is trying to push me up out of bed. Sometimes I think that he is trying to motivate me to get up and get going.

On my way to work I decided to call the Doctor just to be sure everything was okay. I called and told the nurse I hadn't felt BHR move since Sunday sometime and she told me "you need to call work and tell them that either way you are not going to be in this morning ... you need to go home, drink some ice water and count the movements ... " there was more talking and then I heard "and then go to labor and delivery." I think that's when I freaked out.

I called Greg ... he ran home! Almost listerally running. My godmother actually said she saw Greg running down 65th street. Luckily I felt BHR move a bunch after the ice water before Greg and my mom came over, but it was scary. Hearing the words "labor and delivery" was not something that I expected to hear. I wasn't ready, I'm still not ready...

I think I'm ready to be a mom, but I'm not ready for labor ... is that bad? When I was driving home after talking to the nurse, I thought "what if I did this? What if it was because I complained about being fat and ugly and I made him feel bad?" Once I felt him move around I was so relieved, I promised him that I would try and stop complaining about how I look, he's not making me unattractive on purpose.

Maybe he was sleeping, maybe he was exhausted from the Babymoon ... I don't know. He's bouncing like crazy right now. maybe trying to escape law school and community property.

I've never seen this much water in a raft!

So I'm sitting in class and barely paying attention ... BHR is trying to flee my tummy and escape the misery as well. Only one more class to go and then an exam and then another break. I can't wait! I received an angry email today, apparently I've been slacking on my entries, so here's what we've been up to...

Greg and I went to Lake Tahoe this past weekend for our "babymoon". We stayed in a small condo near Tahoe City and the best part was that Gary got to come with us. Friday night I woke up around 2:30am in picked my head and Gary was lying next to the bed staring at me. As soon as I picked my head up and started wagging his tail as if to say "Are you ready to go? Is it time?" I had to tell him that it wasn't time and he put his sad little head back down on the floor. We repeated this process a few more times over the course of the night.

On Saturday we took Gary up the tram to high camp at Squaw Valley. We hiked up to a monument about 1 1/2 miles up. Gary saw snow for the first time and made snow angels. I felt okay, but slow. Greg walked behind me, maybe to make sure I didn't feel bad for making him walk so slowly or maybe to make sure I didn't fall backwards. We got to the top and realized that we were on part of the Western States 100 mile race course. At that point, I was glad I wasn't able to run. After High Camp we wandered around the village and looked at bad artwork. People complimented Gary and Greg and I acted like proud parents. We then took Gary swimming in the lake ... he never gets tired!

On Sunday we took Gary rafting. Gary swam along the side of the raft for most of the trip. When he was in the raft he was shaking with excitement. The river was mostly peaceful until the very end, right before you return the raft...we were just following the current, made it the whole way without any major disasters and then right before we were supposed to de-raft, we got stuck. Stuck on one giant rock. I stayed in the raft holding onto Gary and the backpack, while Greg tried to get us "unstuck." I watched each one of our oars float by and then each one of Greg's shoes. I sat and watched all of the "raft guys" on the dock look at us in amazement. Finally one of them hopped into the river, helped Greg and off we floated to the dock. As we got out of the raft, each "raft guy" commented on the amount of water in our raft ... "holy sh*t, I've never seen this much water in a raft" "oh my god, look at all this water!" Yeah, yeah, yeah ... there was a lot of water in the F-ing raft, move on.

Gary and I slept the whole way home ... peaceful and relaxed.

This is a long one, but pluots are so tasty!

Today is the farmer's market. Technically, there's a farmer's market everyday, but for some reason I really like today's the best. It's close to my work, but that's not why I like it. I like the park, I like that it's round and I can walk in a circle and see all of the fresh produce and breads. It reminds me of being Italy last summer with Greg. Not that we went to a bunch of farmer's markets when we were there, but it feels fresh and healthy. Even if I were to buy a giant pastry from the bread people, it would still feel healthy. However, I have to say, I have not been impressed by the bread people at the farmer's markets ... it looks sweaty, like the bread is screaming on the inside to be let out, there are little sweat beads on the inside of the bag.

My new favorite things for the day are pluots! I've never really been much of a plum fan or an apricot fan, but put them together, and they are one tasty fruit!

When Lucas and I were kids we had a plum tree in the backyard. We would swim all summer and pick the plums by the pool. Lucas would throw them into the pool and then we'd go diving for them. Those were the days when I didn't hate swimming. We'd spend the entire summer with our friends hanging out in the backyard and playing. I miss those days ... when summer was actually summer. It wasn't just going to work on days when it's hotter outside. Summers meant something ... school was out and it was fun. We'd go to summer camps and have BBQ's and sleep over at our friend's houses on weeknights. Our biggest worry was which movie were going to rent at the video store.

I remember when I was around 12 years old and my best friend and I really wanted to see the movie "Casual Sex" with Leah Thompson and Andrew Dice Clay. (Not sure why). My mom was very hesitant to let us rent it, completely understandable. So, we went up to the video store on the corner, Flash Video, and Katie and I were begging her. I remember she carried the movie around with her and then from the back of the store she yelled all the way up to the front, "What do you think about casual sex for 11 and 12 year-old girls?"

The guy at the front was probably around 16 or 17, or at least in my mind he was, and he turned bright red. My mom then realized what she asked and sort of scrambled to clarify her words "I mean, the movie! Not actual sex for young girls!" (or something like that). I think I was embarrassed because my mom mentioned my age, I'm sure I didn't realize what she actually asked. When your 12 years old, I think everything your parents do or did in front of a boy was embarrassing. We got to rent the movie and probably didn't understand anything that happened. We felt grown-up and adult. The movie was PG-13 and it was summer and everything was fun and perfect.

Looking back, I hope I'm able to laugh and spend time with BHR the way my mom did with me and Lucas and our friends. We have so many stories of laughing together and being together. Recently Ed found a school assignment that I made in grade school ... one of the one's where you say "what's your favorite color" or "what's your favorite animal." This one asked "if you could be any type of car, what would you be?" I wrote, a "Plymouth Voyager" and drew a picture of my mom's mini-van with the wood-paneling. We called that car the "power machine". I have so many fond memories of being in that van ... even when the door was falling off and we were trapped with dog barf and diarhea in the backseats, that car seemed magical because I feel like we were always laughing. I remember my mom singing Whitney Houston and wishing I could one day sing as well as her; leaning forward to make the car go faster; traveling to school field trips. These are things that I hope I'm able to do with BHR. Not necessarily getting stuck with dog barf in the backseat of a minivan, but creating fun and interesting memories with my family.

Summers in Sacramento are hot, but I've lived here almost my whole life and when I think back, it's not the heat that I remember.