32 Weeks

We're at 32 weeks now. BHR now weighs around 3.75lbs, which is about the weight of a large jicama. He is about 16.7 inches long and is taking up a lot of space in my uterus.

I apologize for the short posts this week, I started summer school yesterday and I'm taking two courses, so I don't have as much time as before ... let's hope I get in the swing of things soon.

My boobs are no longer my own

Greg and I had our first "baby class" last night. Breastfeeding 101. I didn't giggle as much as I thought I would, especially given the fact that she had to say "breast" and "nipple" 500 times. However, despite my ability to keep it together when she said "breast", I was a wee-bit grossed out when they showed the video of the baby "latching on."

I dont' know what it was ... maybe it was the milk that came out of the corner of the baby's mouth, maybe it was watching this baby open it's mouth as wide as he could to get a good mouthful of boob ... I don't know!

When Lucas and I were kids we would go up to Lake Arrowhead to stay with our grandparents, and they used to serve us powdered milk. It was disgusting! I remember complaining about it to my mom, so the next time we went to visit them she packed some regular milk for us in our suitcases. I've never really been a "milk" person. I never just poured myself a nice tall glass of milk, frankly just picturing that makes me ill. Maybe that has something to do with it right?

What I do know is that I am not nearly mature enough to be doing this! Greg seemed to be keeping it together better than I was. He only slipped up once and that was when the teacher was talking about how many poopy diapers the baby should have and she used the word "stool" so Greg drew one on our handout (literally, he drew a picture of a stool) otherwise, he asked inciteful questions and took lots of notes.

Me ... well, I was traumatized by the fact that my baby is going to be using my boob for his food, for his sustenance. Maybe it's because I don't like milk? Maybe it's because I don't find breasts particularly attractive and that's why I had an aversion ...

Boobs have generally been an annoyance to me, ever since they appeared in Junior High. It felt like they appeared over night! I had a friend in junior high who said to me "Julia, all of these guys ... they didn't like you until you got boobs, but me, well, I liked you before you got those." And that was it ... I think that was where my hatred of the giant boob came from.

You know in movies where the young girl is wishing she would grow some boobs? I don't remember that feeling, that feeling of waiting for the "ladies" to appear. I remember strapping them down so that I wouldn't get knocked in the face while I played soccer though.

It's taken me a while, but me and the "girls" had created an understanding. I wouldn't bother them and they weren't supposed to bother me. Now however, they have gone back on their word. They have taken on a life of their own...they catch food, they bump into things and frankly they are just unpleasant to the eye.

The "ladies" and I have to come to a new understanding, a new agreement if you will...I know that I want to breastfeed BHR, so I'm going to have to create a new relationship with my boobs. So, once BHR arrives he gets full access, because his health his more important. Just as the rest of my body is no longer my own, neither are my boobs. That will be my new mantra...

No teeth and serves nachos and apple juice, what could be better?

I'm having a love affair with juice these days. In fact, I can't get enough apple juice. Not sure why. I've never really been a juice person, and I usually feel like it's better to eat the actual fruit than to drink the juice, but lately, I would rather drink a gallon of juice then eat a bucket of apples.

There's a little corner market by my work where the early-shift guy has no teeth and serves nachos. He calls me "darlin'" or "sweetie" and is always very pleasant. Although, last time I was there he was serving nachos to some men who had been doing construction and after he set the nachos on the counter he licked his fingers and it really grossed me out. I made sure he did NOT touch my juice. There's something about people licking their fingers before they serve food that is not appetizing!

Anyway ... lately, I've been going down to the market and getting a martinelli's sparkling apple juice in the morning. AND, my newest discovery was that they also carry sparkling apple-pomegranite juice! Soooo tasty! I know the calories aren't worth it and again, I should be eating the actual fruit, but the bubbley-goodness is so refreshing and satisfying. It makes me happy, even if I have to buy it from a mad with no teeth who licks nacho cheese off of his fingers. At least he calls me "darlin'" and its not as if he's licking the apple juice bottles right?

4th of July Waddling Group

Here's a picture of Leah, Kim and I at the 4th of July 5 mile run/walk, or in our case, waddle. Both Leah and Kim are due the beginning of August, I'm due 7 weeks after them ... how come I look just as large? Hmmmmm ...

F-ing starving and it's not even noon!

It's only 11:22 and I'm starving!!! I brought my lunch today,... Very responsible of me, don't you think? But, I'm starving and I'm about to each the sh*t out of it well before lunch time.

Ready ...

We are 31 weeks today. BHR measures over 16 inches long and weighs about 3.3 lbs, like carrying four navel oranges.

He's moving around a lot more and I'm becoming more and more uncomfortable. We start some of our baby classes this week and I'm looking forward to it, because I want to be ready. Ready to go through labor, ready to meet BHR and ready to drink a diet coke!

Tasty Sangwich

So much of being pregnant for me has been about food ... when to eat it, what to eat, what won't upset me or the baby, what won't hurt the baby. These food decisions are very complicated and are not to be taken lightly.



This weekend I created the most perfect, tastiest sangwich ever! Or maybe just the most perfect, tastiest sangwich created in the last month, either way, it was F-ing tasty and I ate the sh*t out of that tasty sangwich!

Two out of four

I've now had two our of four of my showers. The first one was hosted by my girlfriends and was so much fun. It was nice to bring together my oldest friends with my new friends. It's a strange transition ... some of my friends have kids, some are married and some aren't, some are still in school and some aren't.

I always thought I would be the last one to be married and the last to have kids, but at the same time I remember when I was in grade school thinking I would be married, have kids and a career by the time I was 23. This all changed as I got older, thank god, because I like where I'm at. I like that I have surrounded myself with old friends that I have known me since I was 6 and new friends that I just met a few years ago. It all helps to remind me that things are constantly changing and that it's not entirely bad ... I'm someone who resists change and loves habits. So the reminders are helpful.

My first shower was so much fun. My friends brought together all of my latest favorite things, for example they had my tasty orange-slice water. We even played some games, which I'm generally very hesitant to do because I have a fear of being measured or having people guess my weight (these are typical baby shower games, I swear I'm not crazy or paranoid!), but the games were super fun and I could tell that my girlfriends put in so much thought into making the day special for me and BHR.

My second shower was on Saturday and was hosted by one of my mom's oldest friends and her daughter. This shower was different because it was mostly my mom's friends and people that had known me from before I was born, even my cousin made the special trip out from Arizona to help celebrate the weekend with me. It's nice to compare the stories of how we've met or how they knew my mom, because she was around my age when she had me.

Everyone went around the table and shared how they knew me ... this brought up several special memories. What was so cool to me was to think about my first shower and how I hope those same women will still be in my life when BHR is grown and how they will be able to tell the stories of meeting me or knowing me before BHR was born.

My mom has surrounded herself with such special people and such kind people ... she's built a real community and family for us in Sacramento. I'd like to think that my first shower will one day be like my second shower. (does that make sense?) I hope that BHR will get to hear about his mom and the stories of her being pregnant and eating 800 bread sticks at her shower. Hopefully he will always be surrounded by a community of family and friends that is constantly growing and expanding much like mine has been the last 29 years.

Five Already?

Tuesday is Gary's 5th birthday! Yes, I know, it's just my dog and who celebrates a dog's birthday? Well, I do:) It's not like I enter him into dog contests and decorate my house in golden retriever motifs, unless you call golden retriever fur decoration. I just love my dog and look for any opportunity I can to celebrate things with my family.

Gary in Lake Tahoe

I took Gary to the vet today because he had some bumps in his ears ... the vet was not concerned with the bumps, instead she found that Gary has a yeast infection in his left ear (not the ear with the bumps). Poor little guy has been very itchy and with good reason, that stuff is gross!!! So now, he has to do drops and ear wash and use special toe wipes and a special vinegar solution rinse ... he's officially all grown up. Also, turns out that I'm not the only one who has put on some baby weight. Poor Gary has also suffered from my inability to run and has gained a few lbs.

I feel very badly about not realizing he was so uncomfortable and I also feel bad that he hasn't been getting enough exercise and has gained some weight. The vet looked at me and said "Well, don't let him gain anymore!" Like I did it on purpose! I felt like she was scolding me and I immediately felt like a bad mom.

It's amazing how close we become to our animals. I know this relationship changes when kids arrive, but animals have always been a big part of my family. It's been a rough year... my parents lost two of our family pets, Benny and Gil very recently and also our dog Maxwell is not feeling so great these days.

I remember when my mom and Ed brought Maxwell home and he would sleep with me in a box in front of the TV. I remember picking out Gil at the pet store when I was 15 because the woman told me he was feeling depressed because he felt like no one wanted him. I remember Benny eating some person's pancakes at one of my soccer games and I remember him slipping on the dance floor before my wedding. It's hard to imagine a house without dog fur or crunchy stuffed animals. It's hard not to come home to a smiling, fury face. Each animal has such a distinct personality and I believe that they are the best because they are my family. I imagine that's what it's like with kids ... you never know how special the experience will be until you have one of your own I suppose, but I can imagine that you always feel like yours is the most special and most unique.

I know I'm not a bad mommy and that Gary will be fine because this stuff will clear up in no time, but I felt bad. So this weekend I promise to buy Gary a new baby, that's what we call his stuffed animals, to help him celebrate his 5th birthday and on Tuesday, he'll get a special, lo-cal, b-day cake to share with his relatives.

Max and Benny

Decapitated body parts and pretty colors

I've been feeling a bit uninspired with my entries as of late, perhaps it's because I haven't been feeling all that well or maybe not that much is going on. This got me thinking about things that have or do inspire me ...

Very few things move me to tears or make me cry. Sometimes I'm proud of that fact and sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I think it makes me strong and sometimes I feel like not crying at stuff makes me unemotional and a bit aloof, but I know that things move me and make me feel ...

One of the most moving things is watching people finish a marathon. Crossing a finish line on my own is amazing in and of itself, but watching the groups of people that come across the line towards the end, with their friends that have gone out to get them ... seeing them walk or run across the line all hand-in-hand makes me misty. Even just thinking about it and talking, or typing about it, makes me feel a little lump in my throat. I can't explain exactly what it is about that that makes me emotional, but its inspiring and touching.

I've read or heard that being pregnant makes you more emotional ... I think I've noticed it a bit. I cry when I hear the song from Dumbo, "Baby Mine". I don't know if it's just the song or the fact that Dumbo is one of the saddest movies of all time. Put the two together and I'm a bit of a sobbing mess ... when he sticks his little trunk through the bars to see his mommy, oy vey! Is there anything sadder!?!?! (If you want to see what I'm talking about click here or here.) Seriously, Walt Disney made some sad movies! Bambi?! Old Yeller!?

Maybe I'm more sentimental because the maternal instinct stuff is kicking in? That happens right? My mom cries at stuff a lot. Not because she's sad, but because she's happy, I think. We tease her a lot about it. She rates movies based on the number of cries that she gets to have. Maybe it's because she's a mom, or maybe it's because she's more confident than I am and more in-touch with her emotions that I am ... I often wonder where I get some of my traits that aren't like her. Does that make sense? I don't cry like my mom, so does that mean that part of me takes after my dad? Did he not cry or was he not emotional?

I often wonder what I got from my dad and what I get from my mom. When I was around 6 years old, I think, my dad took me to a gallery in Folsom called "the Candy Store." The art dealer was an old lady named Adeliza. I remember she and my dad had what I thought was a special relationship, she gave us special treatment and we got to look at the art work that was in the big drawers. She opened one of the drawers and my dad looked at me and said "pick one."

I chose a very colorful pastel drawing by Luiz Cruz-Azaceta. It's always been one of my favorites. The picture has dismembered body parts all over it, but they were colorful and even had rainbows on the face of the decapitated head. I suppose looking back it was quite strange for such a young girl to choose such a gross picture, but I liked it because of the colors.

My dad had it framed and he hung it in each of my bedrooms in each house that he lived in. Later he said the artist became quite successful and he told me that I had "an eye." That always made me feel special and connected to what my dad did and who he was.

Both of my parents are creative. I remember feeling really cool when they were the art docents at school, I felt different, but special. Like my family was part of a special club. I love telling people that my mom is a photographer (click here) and my dad owned an art gallery. I love that both of my parents were able to make a life doing things that they love.

My brother has inherited their creativity (click here). He's always been creative! I unfortunately did not get the creative gene, or at least not in the form of something that can be hung on the wall, but my family inspires me ... their creativity and their ability to look at the world through a more colorful lens has always made me feel special. I'm not sure how law school fits into all of this, its not creative ...

Maybe I'm like Ed in that aspect. He sees things and can vision them in a strategic way. He can create a vision he has ideas ... I like to think that I'm made up of the all of the cool things that make up my family. Not that I'm 100% cool or that I'm 100% my family, but I had to come from somewhere right?

I hope BHR inherits their creativity. I don't think it will be hard because Greg is also creative, or as he likes to refer to himself "a creative" which I think is wrong on many different levels, most of which involve the proper use of the English language. I hope BHR gets their ability to create beautiful things and my "eye" to see something different or unique or special ... something that looks gruesome to most people, but to us is just pretty colors.

30 weeks, 10 more to go!

Today I am 30 weeks pregnant! BHR weighs 3 lbs, like a head of cabbage, and is about 15.7 inches long. I feel huge and tired and I'm constantly questioning whether or not I can do this.

I stayed home from work today ... feeling nauseous and exhausted. I called the Doctor, which was really the nurse, and she thinks it sounds like I have a bit of stomach bug. I think I'm just a weak pregnant person ... I slept most of the day and feel like I could keep sleeping for the rest of the week. Honestly, how do so many women do this?

Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the fact that I'm huge or that BHR is taking up more space in my body and it's requiring more energy, but I hope I can get adjusted sooner rather than later, because not only do I feel lousy and wiped out, but I have stuff to do and school is going to start back up in a few weeks and I am actually, finally looking forward to these classes! Not all of them, let's not get crazy, but a few of them...

Pregant and patient?

I think I finally realize why so many women love being pregnant...you get a lot of attention! Everyone wants to talk to you and ask about the due date, the sex, names ... pretty much everything and anything baby related. People are kinder to pregnant women and more attentive too. I don't mind people being kinder to me, but I have never really liked being the center of the attention. That part is a bit strange for me.

The other thing I started thinking about is that people aren't always quite as kind to women or families after the baby is born ... not that people are mean, but maybe less patient. If you think about it, how many times have you gotten on a plane or picked a seat in a movie and then noticed that there is a young child or a baby near you and then decided to either move your seat or if that's not an option, stayed where you are an then complained about having to sit by a baby. Why do you think this is? Raising a child is probably much harder than being pregnant, right?

I'm so guilty of this! I hope I learn some patience and I hope people are patient with me and BHR when it takes me longer to find my wallet while I'm paying in line or when I'm trying to check-in or get a seat on an airplane.

Fresh Pencils and Jewish Holidays, the Best Time of the Year

Last night I was watching "So You Think You Can Dance". I had to watch it on "real" time because I'm in my hotel room without TiVo, this also meant I actually had to watch the commercials. Usually it really bothers me to have to watch commercials, I'm extremely impatient and most commercials are super annoying! However, last night Fox was previewing all of their Fall TV Lineup and I have to say, I'm super excited for Fall TV! Not just because we have been without regular TV for so long due to the writers strike or because I love television, but because Fall TV is special.

Fall TV reminds me of school starting, trapper-keepers and lunch boxes. It reminds me of picking out that new pen or set of pencils that I was going to use to start off my school year, and when you're young, school was everything, so these things mattered. I remember going with my mom to pick out my school supplies every year, I remember walking up to Deterding Elementary School and looking on the principal's window to check and see which class I was going to be in, were my friends going to be in the same class?

Fall was special, it was also the time for my birthday and Jewish Holidays. I'm pretty sure I didn't like sharing this special time with the Jewish Holidays, but it was all part of Fall and part of the experience.

This year Fall will go back to that special place. Not because my birthday is coming or because school is starting, because law school is not the same as law school and I can assure you that there is not the same excitement over a $170 legal textbook as there was over a Disney Trapper-Keeper, but because Fall is going to be new! New TV shows yes, but also the introduction of BHR to my life and my family. He'll get to experience all of the specialness of Fall from sharing his birthday with Jewish holidays and Fall TV to eventually picking out a new set of pencils to kick of his school year. I'm sure he's going to love Fall as much I as me, especially once all of the smoke goes away.

Until then I'm going to program all of my new Fall TV shows into my DVR and wait patiently for them to start and for BHR's arrival ... law school I can do without, but I guess every celebration has to have a downside.

Reason #897 Why I love Plumpjacks

Granted I did get to pick the menu, but finally, a place that knows how to make some potato salad! Maybe my subconcious knew when I was planning the conference menu several months ago that BHR and I would be craving, and desperately trying to find some really good potato salad and that's why I put it on our menu. Who knows? But Plumpjacks makes some mean potato salad ... without bacon!

Not sure if this post makes any sense, I'm supposed to be listening to a presentation and instead I'm bragging about my grades ...

Just found out I passed my Community Property class! I didn't do as well as I would have liked, especially since this is a subject that I'm hoping to use in my legal practice in future lawyer-life, but I'm fairly relieved and proud of myself for just getting through it.

I took this exam after what will now be called "the finger incident of 2008" ... I think I learned a lot from this experience. Not just from the coursework, but also that studying on pain meds is not easy, studying in pain is not easy, and taking a mulitple choice exam without a finger on your writing hand makes it even harder ...

I don't know if I would have done any better had I not had "the finger incident of 2008". Would I have studied harder? Done more practice problems? Spent less time on the couch watching bad summer tv? Probably not ... either way I'm going to tell myself that I would have aced that exam had it not been for the "incident."

Oh orange slice-filled iced water ... how I love you!

I'm up in Tahoe for work and we are staying at a very cool place, Plumpjack Squaw Valley Inn. I have stayed here several times for work events and I love it! Aside from the girl with the zig-zag pigtails that checked me in last night, everyone is really nice and it seems like they all take their happy pills before coming to work. (In zig-zag girl's defense, she had just gotten out of the hospital and hurt her back, so mabe her happy pills hadn't kicked in yet, but still, why do you have such perfect zig-zag pigtails if you are in so much pain, and I won't even talk about the fact that I think she might be too old for the pig tails ... bygones.) So, I love this place. It's a perfect week for me to be up here because Sacramento is ass-hot this week and the air quality is even worse. It's still smokey up here, but I don't mind staying indoors because I'm at Plumpjacks!

So this morning I decided to start my day by going to the little gym downstairs and walking on the treadmill (the air quality outside didn't appear to be very safe). I walked in, filled my bottle with the delicious orange sliced-filled ice water and turned the corner to find that they only had one treadmill! What?!?! AND, there was some older lady on it walking.

Before I got pregnant I would go to the gym and hover around the ladies on the treadmills, especially the ones that weren't running. I felt like,I'm a runner and I should have priority because I'm going to really use the treadmill for what it's intended for. (I was a bit of a snob I think). I felt like, if they are just walking, why can't they use and elipitical or something else becaue are they really getting a workout? I have to apologize for my behavior back then, it was uncalled for and now that I am a regular walker I think I have a better understanding.

That being said ... I still have one little complaint about treadmill walkers and that is this. If you are going to walk on an incline and crank up the speed, are you really doing yourself any good by then holding on to the top of the treadmill for dear life? Wouldn't it just be easier to lessen the incline and the speed to something where you can move and use your whole body? Maybe that's just me and maybe I'm wrong, I am new to this walking world, but seriously lady, just a few notches lower and I bet you wouldn't need to grip the upper bars until your knuckles turn white.

So, the one treadmill in my little happy gym was taken, so I used the eliptical machine and read my new (borrowed) book. It's the "girlfriend's guide to pregnancy" or something like that. Evryone has told me that i have to read it. So, I was skimming through and reading this one part where she talks about how your body changes when you'repregnant. I found myself relating to what she was saying and then wanting more. Don't just tell me I'm going to have cellulite everywhere and I could get stretch marks and extra hair... is it going to go away?!?! Can I work it off or am I stuck with "thknees" for the rest of my and BHR's lives!?!?! Cheese and rice lady, gimme some answers ... don't just tell me these things happen and leave it at that.

Even though I know that I'm looking for answers that I won't find in a book and I'll have to be patient to see what happens once BHR arrives and I learn about life after childbirth, I'm going to keep searching for that one answer ... the one that tells me I can do this, that I can be a mommy, be active, go to law school and get rid of my ass-thigh-knee-cankle-combo. Wish me luck!

Finger Update

I got my stitches out this morning ... definitely hurt less than having them put in. The doctor said the nail is definitely going to fall out and should grow back in 4 months. I've always been a bit self concious about my hands to begin with, so this probably won't help. Maybe this will be a good thing? Maybe it will teach me to treat my hands better, stop picking my nails and my cuticles and to always wear polish? Or, maybe I'll just get some cool bandaids and start a new trend? Either way, I have some F-ed up fingers on my right hand ...

Oh well, at least the finger is still attached.

Butternut Squash Update

BHR now weighs about 2 1/2 pounds (like a butternut squash) and is a tad over 15 inches long from head to heel.

I can't believe I'm 29 weeks ... it seems like it's taken forever to get here, but at the same time I feel like I still have forever to go.

Who the F puts bacon in Potato Salad?

Fourth of July came and went and I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Our annual "Yellow Dog Cup" was much smaller this year, but still festive. We missed Ed and it definitely wasn't the same. I missed doing fireworks, but my mom and I held our heads out the bedroom window and watched a few of the giant explosions at the park. We also saw an owl land on the front lawn, and I think that's good luck...

There's something very special about my mom's house ... not just because it's where I was raised, but something different. Even when things are bad, the house seems like a safe haven. I feel protected there ... everything tastes better and feels better and smells better. Even on an off night, everything is more special. Most of it has to do with my family and memories of joy and laughter, but I also believe that there is something extra special just there. For the most part, I'm not a sprititual person, but I when I think of positive energy and happy thoughts, I definitely think of my mom and Ed's house. I'm sure they don't always see it that way ... when things break or burst or bees are living in the walls, but when we're all there, everything seems almost perfect.

Back to the Fourth ... The weather mostly cooperated and I was able to be outside with my family and do my annual 4th of July Free Fun Run, which was actually a walk because I'm not running:(


It was fun though ... walking 5 miles put races in a new perspective for me. It takes a long time! As my brother put it "We won in reverse." I'm pretty sure we were the last ones across the finish line, but it was fun and I felt accomplished the rest of the day.

We had potato salad at my mom's later that day and ever since then I have been really craving potato salad ... but it feels like there is a strange force out there that is preventing me from having it!


On Sunday we were at Greg's sister's house and they had potato salad and it looked so good! So I piled it on plate and took a bite. I felt my mouth go up in flames and realized there was some jalapenos in it. Now I love spicey food, but unfortunately along with BHR has come a wicked case of heart burn, so alas, no more potato salad for me.

Today I walked around the corner to the weird salad shop that's never as good as you want it to be and I saw that they had potato salad. I was a little bit excited because I felt like I could finally satisfy the potato salad craving. I got back to my office, took a bite and there was something strange.... something smokey ... something I don't eat ... it was bacon! Who puts bacon in potato salad?!? I never thought to ask "is your potato salad vegetarian?" Cause who the F puts bacon in potato salad? I tried to eat around it, but everything was so mashed together ... looks like I'll have to go another day without that starchy, bad-for-you salad.

Dark Chocolate is Totally Healthy!

I needed to get out of the office and I decided that I would go and get a drink, that was it! I swear! Somehow I ended up wandering into Sees candy along the way. I guess it's not really along the way so much as it's around the corner and down one block, but who's counting.

So, I wandered into Sees thinking I would just get one piece, one cup if you will. However, they give you a free sample when you come in. So the nice lady behind the counter offered me some cherry something or other and I declined saying "no thank you" but she insisted and asked me what kind of chocolate I wanted to try. As if I haven't tried sees before. So I got my free almond square and convinced myself that it was healthy because it was almonds and dark chocolate, but since it was free I had to buy more! I couldn't pretend it was gross and then storm out of there, how could I ever show my face again, and how would I get the tasty chocolate?!?! Oh the dilema ...

The nice lady convinced me to just get a 1/2 of a box and I convinced myself that it was a good idea because I'm going to share them with the office! I picked out mostly dark chocolates, because they're healthy, and continued back towards the office to get my tasty beverage.

I now have 8 pieces of sees and a DIET cherry 7up. The diet in the soda is going to counterbalance all of the bad stuff in the chocolate, even though it's dark chocolate, there's still a little bad. Today is turning out to be quite nice ... a little sees, a little diet cherry 7up, what could be better?

I'll tell you what could be better ... my new guilty pleasure is on TV tonight, "Wipeout" ... watching people fall off of stuff and land in mud. It's an hour of nonsense and pure garbage. I love it! I think I might watch it with another diet cherry 7up and Sees candy.

The letter T is missing ,,,

I finished my exam last night ... it was not my best performance, but given the circumstances I guess it went better than expected. I'm pretty sure I didn't do better than a C- and if I get that, I'll be quite pleased.

Doing things mostly one-handed is a lot harder than I thought. I basically look like I'm flipping everyone off, which maybe I am because I'm secretly angry that they can brush their teeth with their right hand ... Typing is a lot better than I thought, but I still make a bunch of mistakes. Plus, the letter "T" key on my computer has fallen off, so that is also quite difficult.

It's been a strange couple of weeks ... with all of the baby scares and the hospital visits and the smoke outside, things have been quite glim. Ed is off in Florida taking care of his mom and he won't be here for the 4th of July. I know taking care of his mom is so much more important, but I always hope for happier times this time of year.

I love 4th of July. Not because I'm super patriotic, because I'm really not. I don't wear red and white and blue together and I sometimes feel strange about what America represents in the rest of the world. I love living in America, and I love what we say we stand for, but I am scared of what we do and what we have no control over ... I don't want BHR to grow up in a world where terrorists and war are the norm. For the most part, I can't think of a place that would be better, but that doesn't mean there aren't things that need to be fixed.

4th of July isn't about being a good American for me ... it's about being with my family, as most holidays are. We aren't doing fireworks this year, which bums me out, but I think with the way the air has been and the fact that I was trapped in doors for a week because of the smoke make it hard for me to justify lighting more things on fire. Even if the things make pretty colorful sparks.

28 weeks

We're 28 weeks. It still feels quite far off, but I know BHR is coming sooner than I think. BHR weighs 2 and a quarter pounds which is apparently similar to a chinese cabbage.